Tat It Up

Summer 2002 was the first time I felt I really wanted/needed a tattoo.  9 years have gone by and I still don't have one/two/thirty.  Hard to believe knowing my track record of adding to my obsessions and my ever growing ability to fall into the trap of impulse buys.  I'm sure I'll get one....just not sure when.

Back in college I started watching shows like Miami Ink where they glorified the tattoo artist and the lifestyle that accompanied it.  There was the bald guy, the Cuban, the little fat one, Jesse James' wife/ex-wife/whatever she is now.  I was hooked.  There was so much those guys could do with a needle.  I needed one.  I had to have one. Didn't get one.

Got my dad hooked on watching those shows with me.  Got him to even talk about getting one with me.  We were going to do it.  It was going to happen.  For a couple years he was into the idea.  Now....nope.

I watched my buddy in college get two tattoos.  Went with him to the shops.  Saw the places.  Watched the processes.  Noticed how clean everything was.  Saw the detail come to life on his leg and back.  Wished I would have one myself.  Nope.  Pussed out.  See the trend?

My cousin has a bunch, even some that he's had fixed and redone to make them better/different.  He has offered to take me multiple times.  Have I gone?  No.

I don't watch the shows anymore.  My dad's not into it anymore.  No more friends getting them where I can tag along.  My cousin doesn't have the money right now but I'm sure the next time he goes I'll turn him down again.  And I can't put my finger on why.  I really want one.  For real.  Seemingly always have.  I just haven't found that perfect piece to kick it off.  But it doesn't have to be perfect.  I would be fine with just getting something after this many years.  Just to get that itch to go away.  What should I get?  A dragon?  A tiger eating a snake?  The Mona Lisa?  I don't know.  But it's going to happen.....sooner or later.......at least that's my story and I'm stickin to it!

Ooey Gooey Cheesy Goodness

Mmmmmm........pub cheese.  There is quite possibly nothing better one can put on a burger.  If there is I haven't tried it.  And I've tried a lot.  Believe me.  A lot.  Pub cheese wins.  Hands down.

You know that feeling when you're about to go get a premium burger and you're wondering about which toppings you should go with?  Mushrooms, or skip them?  Peppers?  Tomatoes (never)?  Bacon (always)?  American or Pub Cheese?  No.  Never.  Never ever ask that question to your self.  Just don't put yourself through it.  If the place has pub cheese you're getting pub cheese.  Seriously.  There's no second guessing, no deliberation, no standing at the counter trying to figure out which cheese goes best with the other toppings you want.  Pub cheese will not let you down.

Any place that has pub cheese, that spreadable, ooey gooey goodness of a food product, is going to be a good burger joint.  Most likely there will be a decision to be made on which size burger to get.  You'll see the 1/4 pound, the 1/3 pound and the 1/2 pound......go with the half pound and try to function 3 hours after you eat it.  It's worth the effort.  So good.  So juicy.  So you've got the hard part figured out.  Next you order the pub cheese.  Why?  Cuz I said so, that's why.  Come on!  Then you pick whatever other toppings you want/don't need/won't care at all about.  The pub cheese is the reason you got the burger.  No one gets a burger because a place has the freshest tomatoes, or the crispiest lettuce, or the most unique onions.  No.  You go there for a good burger and the cheese to make you happy.

You've got your burger, cheese melted and spilling forth around the outside of the bun.  You're trying to figure out how to maximize the experience.  Cut it in half?  Go at it full speed?  What's going to keep the cheese intact the most?  I cut.  And the knife gets licked.  And my fingers too.  And the paper/plate/table/pants get licked as well.  That cheese is going to do some damage on you.  And it's good.  You want that.  The creamy goodness.  You want that everywhere.  You want to dip your fries in it.  You want remnants left on your straw after you've taken a sip to cleanse the pallet for a new delicious bite.  The more the merrier.

Trust me on this.  You won't be sorry.  Pub cheese on a burger.  Delicioso!

The Greater Good

When is it okay to tell someone that they shouldn't be with their significant other?  Ever?  Should one just keep their mouth shut and hope for the best?  Should one make snide comments on the side?  Should one talk shit beyond that person's back loud enough for that person to hear and immediately start a fight about how it's not true even though it will nag and eat at that person for long enough that impact might actually be felt?  It's hard to say.  We won't know.  Until now.

Every now and then you run across a couple people in a relationship who are sure to break up.  There's no way it could/should/will ever last long enough to make a difference in each other's lives.  But every so often you're wrong.  Those people end up sticking it out.  They end up getting engaged, get married, buy a house, get some pets, have some kids, etc. (not necessarily in that order by the way).  There's no chance it will last though.....right?  It has to end......right?  What if it doesn't end?  What if they stay together forever?  What if your friend or relative or casual acquaintance never gets to be happy, at least happy as you know it to be?

You must say/do something.....for the greater good.  The greater good is your only chance to make everything right.  To intercede.  To interrupt.  To make better.  Family members are tricky but you have more wiggle room. Friends....we'll get to them later.  Casual acquaintances.....don't worry about it.....not worth the trouble.  But with family members the line is easy to cross but it's usually okay.  They ARE family after all.  You have to take the risk in telling them that their significant other is putting a strain on the relationships he/she has with the other family members.  You have to.  You have to before it's too late, before you have to sit there and take it and piss and moan about until they finally get divorced or die (death can feel like the only escape after a while).  If the family's functionality would be better if that significant other is out of the picture......do it for the greater good.

Friends.....so much tougher than family.  You're risking a lot.  But you're also risking a lot if you don't say anything.  With family you're forced to be around people from time to time.  But with friends you get to choose.  When someone is with a dud and they cut you out because either your friend's significant other is dominating your friend, or because you've tried to intercede for the greater good, or whatever.....you're screwed.  You better make it count.  You better make it work.  If you don't you lose your friend.  If you do and lose your friend at least you tried and didn't sit back and still fuck it up.  Don't take the chance on keeping the status quo and hoping for the best.

"At least he's happy."  "As long as she's happy then we need to be happy for her."  "Love is blind."  All bullshit.  Complete bullshit.  If I was ever in one of these relationships, and maybe I have been (wink), I'd want the people I cared about to tell me I was messing around with something I shouldn't be.  I'd want an intervention.  And I'd want to hear it from a ton of people.....before it was too late.  Sincerely.  I wouldn't want my relationship to be bad for the greater good.  I don't want to upset the balance of the universe, my universe, my family's universe.  Everything should run smoothly.  A well oiled machine.  That's the greatest good.  Rock the boat, tip it over, but make sure it's still in the harbor.  Don't wait until it's 10 miles out to sea. By then the greater good will be lost and you'll be wishing for the good ole days.

Now Streaming...

I just read about this thing called the "Ewing Theory" that puts the idea out there that a superstar player isn't as important when he plays as when he sits.  Patrick Ewing never won a Finals trophy with the Knicks and it can be argued that the best they ever played was without him because of a torn achilles tendon.  It's a really cool thought.  It probably happens a lot.  A team will get totally psyched up and actually "overperform" with the star player on the sidelines.  It happened a few times with Lebron James this past season.  The Heat did fairly well with him on the bench in the finals only to blow it when he returned.  It doesn't happen every time but there are definitely times when the Ewing Theory makes sense.  I can see that happening in a lot of different things as well. Not just sports.  Single parents accomplishing the seemingly impossible tasks of raising children on their own comes to mind.  There's not a chance I could survive on my own as a single parent.  My wife does so much that it would be impossible for me to replace her.  I couldn't.  I'm not even talking on the emotional level of ever trying to "replace" her.  That's a totally different argument.  And I'm not in the mood to argue right now.  More in the mood to eat actually.  Woke up starving, still starving.  Not literally starving but metaphorically.  I'm not going to die because I haven't eaten.  On the contrary....I have enough reserves to last a couple weeks I'd say after the weekend I had, capped off by some delicious Mexican flavors from El Maguey.  Love that place.  Salsa = good.  Cheese = good.  Service = good.  Never had a bad time there.  At any location.  That's hard to do for a restaurant chain.  Very difficult indeed.  There are many times one location is better than others.  White Castle is notorious, in my opinion, for this.  The one in downtown St. Louis is probably one of the more dangerous places in the nation but dammit can they sling a slider.  So much better than a lot of the others in the St. Louis metropolitan area.  Don't get out of your car though.  Bad idea.  You're not going to killed (most likely not going to anyway) but you might think you could.  No one should feel safe in there.  And if someone does I feel sorry for them.  That's not a good way to live.  Living oblivious to fear and danger.  Yikes.  That would suck.  Life should be easier than that.  You should like your life because it's nice, it's safe, etc.  Not noticing you're in a shithole is okay, I guess, because you've accepted your way of life and made the best of it.  But you shouldn't.  It should just be better than that.  Not easier, but better.  Working for it is definitely part of the plan to being happy.  But working too hard can be bad too.  I'm definitely a fan of leisure.  Leisure makes me happy.  Doing nothing can be the best thing in the world.  Might do a little of that right now actually.....