Fashionistos?

As my readers are already aware, I'm not the most fashion forward kind of guy.  I'm more of a guy looking for comfortable clothes that won't embarrass myself or my wife/kid/mom when I leave the house.  There are times when those types of restrictions just aren't possible though.  Favorite things include T-shirts that I've had for 10 years that aren't quite ready for the goodwill pile, jeans that make my ass totally disappear (which I've been told is a bad thing....who knew) and tennis shoes that may or may not be the same shoes I cut grass in.  Not cutting edge stuff by any means.  But at least I can walk around with a fair amount of certitude that I don't look like a complete fucking retard.  Which brings me to my point.....

Never, and I mean never, do I feel it necessary to dress like a 13 year old girl from 1987 and wear a pair of skinny jeans.  The kids/men that wear these should be ashamed of themselves.  People have been killed for less.  They look like freaks.  There's not a person alive that can put a pair of these jeans on and make themselves appear like a man.  A real man.  Everyone who wears them, including women, look pigeon-toed to the point that they could fall forward on their face at any moment.  Bad ass, man!  You've made the human race take 3 steps back.  Mr. Strauss is rolling in his grave right now.

What happened to wanting to look tough?  To looking grown up?  To looking like a real person?  Why are those ideals gone?  Brett Favre and Dale Earnhardt......they're the guys I wanted to be growing up.  I wanted a beard.  I wanted to be strong.  I wanted to be tall (nailed it!).  I wanted to have hair on my chest (and now that I do I shave it because momma gets what momma wants).  The youth of today think it's cool to sit inside, do nothing but play video games, wear their hair as greasy and grimy as possible as they push and pull into and out of their eyes, and text their friends about doing those exact things as they're doing them.  It feels like something's wrong.  What are these kids' parents thinking?  I know my dad would have beaten me within an inch of my life if I had to have his help putting my jeans on because they were too tight to put them on by myself.

I put it to you, reader, to change this way of life.  Bring back the way it should be.  We got through the 80s (barely) and 90s (skate or die) and even 00s (Hey Yah).  The 10s needs a makeover.  I'll take tailored over tight/skinny.  I'll take clean over trying to be messy even though it's really clean.  I'll take anything besides those goddamned skinny jeans!  The next time I see a kid under 15 wearing a pair I'm going to flip out on him.  I'm going to make him know that he's worthless and needs to man up, grow a pair, and buy something he would be okay wearing in a bar fight (and not the reason a bar fight a bar fight was started).  The next time I see someone over 15 wearing them......well......my lawyer has urged me not to write anything more for fear of potential problems that may arise.