Privileged. Lucky. Fortuitous. We are. Everyone one of us under 30 years of age has grown up not just seeing great teams and great athletes; we've grown up seeing some of the greatest of all time (GOAT). In practically every sport we've at least caught a glimpse of the best ever. We are not worthy. We're spoiled. We've been spoiled our whole lives. Let's take a look, shall we:
Golf = Tiger was on track. He still might be the GOAT too. There's no denying his place in the upper echelons of the sport. He changed the sport in unimaginable ways. Jack might still edge him a little in titles, but by his pure sexual prowess I give Tiger the nod (impressive to say the least).
Swimming = Michael Phelps.....and he smokes weed. GOAT for sure. Mark Spitz ain't got shit on Phelpsy. Too many golds to count. Hands down GOAT.
100 meter dash = Usain Bolt is the fastest human EVER....and it's not even close. Every generation has a man who is the fastest ever, but this one hasn't even peaked yet. They say he's the perfect runner. I say he's got a step or two on Flash (not the comic book hero).....which is saying a lot.
Soccer = We got to see Maradona late, we got to see Cristiano for a while, and now we get to see Messi. Little Lionel is on his way. He could be the most dynamic player ever. I don't buy into the argument that arbitrarily says a guy has to shine at the World Cup. The game is bigger than those few weeks every 4 years. Messi can be the greatest and never make it to the semis in the World Cup just as easily as someone can win 4 World Cups and never be in the conversation.
Basketball = MJ....enough said.
Baseball = Albert? I don't know. Not yet....but he's getting there.....he's getting there. The Babe should always be the best. That roided freak Bonds was sure amazing. Too bad no one liked him. He made himself hated not just for cheating but being a complete asshole. Shame. Still.....he might have been the GOAT. Maybe.
NASCAR = Jimmy Johnson is doing things no one else has done. GOAT. Has to be. Not a pioneer like Petty or Earnhardt or even Gordon. Just the GOAT. Calling it.
Football = Missed out on Jim Brown. Saw Barry Sanders....didn't last long enough. Could it be Peyton or Brady? Or Favre? Or Montana? Or Elway? Or Marino? We saw em all. One of them has to be the GOAT. It's probably a guy named Rice in all actuality. But take your pick.
Tennis = I'm going to say Roger Federer. He's got the titles to back it up, the streaks, the intangibles. Pete Sampras was so 2 grand slams ago. In the next few years we might be calling Rafa Nadal and/or Nole Djokovic the GOAT. Either way....great stuff happening these last 10 years in tennis.
NHL = The Great One. Saw him. Saw Lemieux but not enough. Didn't get to see Orr....but let's just put this one to bed. It's Wayne's world.
But alas.....we haven't seen them all. Didn't see any real tremendous boxers in their prime while we were old enough to watch (Mike Tyson's Punch Out alone makes that the most difficult thing I've ever had to write). And worst of all.....Horse Racing. Depression sets in. No Triple Crowns since 1978. GOAT was Secretariat. Thought we were going to have something special in Big Brown......god dammit Desormeaux. There's no way he was tired at the quarter pole. NO FUCKING WAY. You gotta be kidding me. Come on! Let him run. Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. Wouldn't have been the GOAT.....but could've been the greatest of the last 35 years at least. DAMMIT!
Cherish these times people. Cherish them. You're watching the all time bests out there. Now.....I've got to call my therapist. Desormeaux does that to a man. Dammit.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
God Save the Queen
If you ever get some time, like literally 2 seconds, google "Freddie Mercury motivational" images. Funny stuff out there. The man has an eclectic following/hatership like none other. Among the asinine are the true fans' works that are still pissed he died....and it's been approximately 10-40 years (look it up.....gaww) since he died.
Jim Morrison has the weeping 16 year olds at his grave everyday who have no clue what he was all about, what he truly meant to his time and place, or even the cultural impact he ACTUALLY had. Some of that can be attributed to the utterly awesome/awful movie in which Iceman takes his shirt off and does drugs for a couple hours. Most just think his message was just so awesome (man). Stupid. If you lived through it that's fine. Weep. But if he was dead 15 years before you were even born.....find something else to do. You probably don't speak Greek anyway (the grave really isn't that cool). But Freddie's fans are different. They weep in a good way. You can make fun of them because they can make fun of themselves. They make fun because it's easy, it's fun, and he's even more awesome because/despite it!
"Freddie Mercury: Gayer than a bag of dicks." "Freddie Mercury: Even his shadow was FABULOUS." "AIDS: Enjoy it while you can." Sure some cross the line. They're homophobic. But don't tell me they're not freaking awesome. The man, the myth, the mustache.
For those of you who don't know who Freddie Mercury is....shame on you. He was the leader/lead singer of the rock band Queen. Never saw it coming that he was gay huh? Queen is one of the greatest rock bands of all time. That is not a statement of opinion by the way. Just a fact. They ruled (get it....queen joke). And it was Freddie who fueled that awesomeness. He was epic. Not out about his homosexuality until it got closer to his death. Everyone had to know it. The man wore some crazy shit (google that too....wow).
I once saw a rock n roll/pop rock hierarchy. It went something like this:
Jester = Lady Gaga
Princess = Elton John (I put Michael Jackson here...but whatever)
Prince = Prince
Queen = Whitney Houston
King = Elvis
God = Freddie Mercury!
When American Idol first started a bunch of years ago my friend, Schmoop, and I came up with a great idea. We thought about the huge rock n roll singers of the last 50 years. Which one of them would legitimately win American Idol? Not a chance guys like Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, or even Eric Clapton would make the cut. The upper echelon got whittled away until we thought of Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin. The man could wail! His voice shattered albums. His range was unique. Great stuff. And we sat there for a couple minutes believing there was none better......and then Schmoop said, "Holy Shit! Totally forgot." I asked who that could be. "Freddie Fucking Mercury!!!" Again silence. It was over. Nothing more needed to be said. "I am Freddie Mercury: Your argument is invalid."
Jim Morrison has the weeping 16 year olds at his grave everyday who have no clue what he was all about, what he truly meant to his time and place, or even the cultural impact he ACTUALLY had. Some of that can be attributed to the utterly awesome/awful movie in which Iceman takes his shirt off and does drugs for a couple hours. Most just think his message was just so awesome (man). Stupid. If you lived through it that's fine. Weep. But if he was dead 15 years before you were even born.....find something else to do. You probably don't speak Greek anyway (the grave really isn't that cool). But Freddie's fans are different. They weep in a good way. You can make fun of them because they can make fun of themselves. They make fun because it's easy, it's fun, and he's even more awesome because/despite it!
"Freddie Mercury: Gayer than a bag of dicks." "Freddie Mercury: Even his shadow was FABULOUS." "AIDS: Enjoy it while you can." Sure some cross the line. They're homophobic. But don't tell me they're not freaking awesome. The man, the myth, the mustache.
For those of you who don't know who Freddie Mercury is....shame on you. He was the leader/lead singer of the rock band Queen. Never saw it coming that he was gay huh? Queen is one of the greatest rock bands of all time. That is not a statement of opinion by the way. Just a fact. They ruled (get it....queen joke). And it was Freddie who fueled that awesomeness. He was epic. Not out about his homosexuality until it got closer to his death. Everyone had to know it. The man wore some crazy shit (google that too....wow).
I once saw a rock n roll/pop rock hierarchy. It went something like this:
Jester = Lady Gaga
Princess = Elton John (I put Michael Jackson here...but whatever)
Prince = Prince
Queen = Whitney Houston
King = Elvis
God = Freddie Mercury!
When American Idol first started a bunch of years ago my friend, Schmoop, and I came up with a great idea. We thought about the huge rock n roll singers of the last 50 years. Which one of them would legitimately win American Idol? Not a chance guys like Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, or even Eric Clapton would make the cut. The upper echelon got whittled away until we thought of Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin. The man could wail! His voice shattered albums. His range was unique. Great stuff. And we sat there for a couple minutes believing there was none better......and then Schmoop said, "Holy Shit! Totally forgot." I asked who that could be. "Freddie Fucking Mercury!!!" Again silence. It was over. Nothing more needed to be said. "I am Freddie Mercury: Your argument is invalid."
Monday, September 12, 2011
It's All My Fault
Is it rational to think that a television viewer has any effect on an athlete's or team's performance? Does it make sense to alter one's way of life based on the last play to make sure the next one goes well....while sitting in your living room? No......but that doesn't mean I, the viewer, can't affect the game. I'm certain I can. It makes no sense, but shut up....I can.
This past weekend I watched some of my favorite teams and athletes lose....almost all of them. Mizzou football, Notre Dame football, Liverpool, Roger Federer, St. Louis Rams. All toast. My fault. I didn't stay up to watch the end of the Mizzou game. My bad. Notre Dame....turned it off before the final collapse. Shit. I turned the Liverpool game on too late. God dammit. I got cocky during the Federer/Djokovic match. Heartbreak. And to top it off I only watched a few minutes of the Rams game because of my daughter's birthday party. Depression sets in.
Treat this post as an apology to all of the other fans out there of the teams/athletes I mentioned. I take full responsibility. It's my fault. If I would have been better for them they would have been better for me. But since I suck, they sucked. Shit shit shit. I'm the worst. Gotta be better if you expect results. I have to want it more. I have to pay attention. I have to give it my all. It's time to be a champion. From now on if any of the above teams/athletes fail to win in their respective sports come to me first. Guarantee it's because I was slacking somehow. I messed up. I know it. It's my fault.
But what will I do to get better? What can I do? Should I find a particular spot in my chair to sit and watch everything important to me? What if I'm out of town? What if I'm "too busy" to watch? It's going to be a battle. My thoughts are going to have to be there no matter what. That can't be the best I can do though, can it? Should I be paying attention at all times on my phone so I never miss a thing and totally neglect my family, friends, personal hygiene? I'll do it if it means championships for my favorites. I think I will. If I don't I can only blame myself. Seems like that is just going to be my plight. It's going to be my fault....I just know it.
This past weekend I watched some of my favorite teams and athletes lose....almost all of them. Mizzou football, Notre Dame football, Liverpool, Roger Federer, St. Louis Rams. All toast. My fault. I didn't stay up to watch the end of the Mizzou game. My bad. Notre Dame....turned it off before the final collapse. Shit. I turned the Liverpool game on too late. God dammit. I got cocky during the Federer/Djokovic match. Heartbreak. And to top it off I only watched a few minutes of the Rams game because of my daughter's birthday party. Depression sets in.
Treat this post as an apology to all of the other fans out there of the teams/athletes I mentioned. I take full responsibility. It's my fault. If I would have been better for them they would have been better for me. But since I suck, they sucked. Shit shit shit. I'm the worst. Gotta be better if you expect results. I have to want it more. I have to pay attention. I have to give it my all. It's time to be a champion. From now on if any of the above teams/athletes fail to win in their respective sports come to me first. Guarantee it's because I was slacking somehow. I messed up. I know it. It's my fault.
But what will I do to get better? What can I do? Should I find a particular spot in my chair to sit and watch everything important to me? What if I'm out of town? What if I'm "too busy" to watch? It's going to be a battle. My thoughts are going to have to be there no matter what. That can't be the best I can do though, can it? Should I be paying attention at all times on my phone so I never miss a thing and totally neglect my family, friends, personal hygiene? I'll do it if it means championships for my favorites. I think I will. If I don't I can only blame myself. Seems like that is just going to be my plight. It's going to be my fault....I just know it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)