It Had To End Sooner Or Later

As of today I am officially on hiatus from posting anything more to the site.  I've gotten about 1000 views on the blog and it's been a journey I suppose.  The support wasn't quite as prevalent as I thought it could have been.  The appreciation was there at times.  The comments were nonexistent.

I might go back and read some of the stuff I wrote.  It will be a good learning experience....I hope.  The next time, if there is a next time, I will be better.  I promise that.  As of right now I'm a little jaded.  It should have been better.  I should have gotten more viewers.  I probably need to be a better writer.  I'm not all pissed off though.  I'm glad I wrote for as long as I wrote even if it was only to prove to myself that I could keep up with something for as long as I did.

Thanks for reading.  It was pleasure while it lasted.

Man Man Man Manly Man Man

Being a man is tough.  A real man.  Not a guy, a man.  Working in a "professional" setting makes that next to impossible at times.  You try to be "masculine" but sometimes you have to be too "presentable" to make that happen.  Boots, Wranglers, and a flannel shirt just don't fit with business casual.  So do you just throw in the towel?  Give up?  Get manicures and facials and such?  No.  But you do have to mix in some femininity to make it work.  Let me explain.

Callused hands, dirt under the fingernails, hair matted to your head, smell like old motor oil....these are things that are unacceptable for the professional man.  You just can't come to work looking and smelling like you just got done cutting the grass.....in the desert......at noon........in a dust storm.......trailing behind an ox.  You must present yourself better, cleaner, and with a little bit of class.  Shower it up.  Fix your hair.  Hands are a tough call.  Lotion is for sissies (no arguments please) but when your hands feel like a wood rasp you need to take drastic measures.  Get them to feel as close to actual skin as you can.  

What to shower with?  Just use your wife's/girlfriend's stuff?  Or use your own?  I go with my own bar soap but it switches quite often with shampoo.  Bar soap is a face and body deal.  No patience for separate and I've read up on how important taking care of your skin actually is, especially on shaving day.  Don't skimp here.  Shampoo....whatever she has is fine as long as it doesn't make you smell like a florist.  Neutral or traditional smells are best.  Don't fruit it up too much.  You'll lose that battle every time when applying for your man-card.

Clothes....come on people.  Look good but not better than your boss.  Keep it simple, keep it classy.  Don't overdo it, but don't underdo it either.  You're looking for understated excellence.  No trend setting at work.  No skinny pants.  Don't have your shirt unbuttoned past the second button.  Be smart about it.  And don't skimp on the shoes.  You come in with some old Peaks like the ones you used to wear in grade school and you'll be sent home, or at least should be.  Dress it up but not too much.  You're not going to a wedding.

Boots can be worn in a professional setting as long as they're clean.  Don't wear your hunting boots to work though.  There are certain kinds that are acceptable.  If people can hear your stomping around the office from 50 feet away you're wearing the wrong kind.  If you're footprint in the boots is twice as wide and long as your actual foot you're wearing the wrong kind.  Slim and sleek is best.  Big and clumpy is worst.  Too sleek and they're no longer boots......they're just shoes that stick up higher than regular shoes.  Acceptable, obviously, but don't pretend that your $300 pair of Italian tall shoes pass for actual manly-man boots.  If they say Red Wing or Caterpillar or Wolverine....boots.  Gucci, Ralph Lauren, and Steve Madden....tall shoes.

Now you're showered up, smell like a human and not a zoo animal, hair is not all ratty and nasty, you've got business casual clothes taken care of, now you have to act the part.  This is hard.  It's hard to not get sucked into the vortex that is the internet.  Tons of things out there to draw your attention away from your manliness.  "Did you see what Kim Kardashian was wearing yesterday?  Who pairs leopard with zebra?"  Or "Holy shit that episode of Grey's Anatomy was good.  Did you see the part where Meredith and Christina...."......no good.  Pay attention to sports.  Pay attention to politics.  Pay attention to current events, even entertainment stuff, but don't get caught up with the paparazzi-type bullshit.  No one wants a man to know which designer's dress Lindsay Lohan was wearing during fashion week.  Don't do it.  Know that she should be in jail but don't really get into the details about why (it's probably prostitution by the way).  The details are for the women.  If you do read about that shit don't tell anyone.  Don't do that to yourself, your psyche, or your manliness, or lack thereof.

Good luck men.  We're all counting on you.  And don't let your offspring wear skinny jeans.  Never okay, especially if you're trying to be a man.

Tat It Up

Summer 2002 was the first time I felt I really wanted/needed a tattoo.  9 years have gone by and I still don't have one/two/thirty.  Hard to believe knowing my track record of adding to my obsessions and my ever growing ability to fall into the trap of impulse buys.  I'm sure I'll get one....just not sure when.

Back in college I started watching shows like Miami Ink where they glorified the tattoo artist and the lifestyle that accompanied it.  There was the bald guy, the Cuban, the little fat one, Jesse James' wife/ex-wife/whatever she is now.  I was hooked.  There was so much those guys could do with a needle.  I needed one.  I had to have one. Didn't get one.

Got my dad hooked on watching those shows with me.  Got him to even talk about getting one with me.  We were going to do it.  It was going to happen.  For a couple years he was into the idea.  Now....nope.

I watched my buddy in college get two tattoos.  Went with him to the shops.  Saw the places.  Watched the processes.  Noticed how clean everything was.  Saw the detail come to life on his leg and back.  Wished I would have one myself.  Nope.  Pussed out.  See the trend?

My cousin has a bunch, even some that he's had fixed and redone to make them better/different.  He has offered to take me multiple times.  Have I gone?  No.

I don't watch the shows anymore.  My dad's not into it anymore.  No more friends getting them where I can tag along.  My cousin doesn't have the money right now but I'm sure the next time he goes I'll turn him down again.  And I can't put my finger on why.  I really want one.  For real.  Seemingly always have.  I just haven't found that perfect piece to kick it off.  But it doesn't have to be perfect.  I would be fine with just getting something after this many years.  Just to get that itch to go away.  What should I get?  A dragon?  A tiger eating a snake?  The Mona Lisa?  I don't know.  But it's going to happen.....sooner or later.......at least that's my story and I'm stickin to it!

Ooey Gooey Cheesy Goodness

Mmmmmm........pub cheese.  There is quite possibly nothing better one can put on a burger.  If there is I haven't tried it.  And I've tried a lot.  Believe me.  A lot.  Pub cheese wins.  Hands down.

You know that feeling when you're about to go get a premium burger and you're wondering about which toppings you should go with?  Mushrooms, or skip them?  Peppers?  Tomatoes (never)?  Bacon (always)?  American or Pub Cheese?  No.  Never.  Never ever ask that question to your self.  Just don't put yourself through it.  If the place has pub cheese you're getting pub cheese.  Seriously.  There's no second guessing, no deliberation, no standing at the counter trying to figure out which cheese goes best with the other toppings you want.  Pub cheese will not let you down.

Any place that has pub cheese, that spreadable, ooey gooey goodness of a food product, is going to be a good burger joint.  Most likely there will be a decision to be made on which size burger to get.  You'll see the 1/4 pound, the 1/3 pound and the 1/2 pound......go with the half pound and try to function 3 hours after you eat it.  It's worth the effort.  So good.  So juicy.  So you've got the hard part figured out.  Next you order the pub cheese.  Why?  Cuz I said so, that's why.  Come on!  Then you pick whatever other toppings you want/don't need/won't care at all about.  The pub cheese is the reason you got the burger.  No one gets a burger because a place has the freshest tomatoes, or the crispiest lettuce, or the most unique onions.  No.  You go there for a good burger and the cheese to make you happy.

You've got your burger, cheese melted and spilling forth around the outside of the bun.  You're trying to figure out how to maximize the experience.  Cut it in half?  Go at it full speed?  What's going to keep the cheese intact the most?  I cut.  And the knife gets licked.  And my fingers too.  And the paper/plate/table/pants get licked as well.  That cheese is going to do some damage on you.  And it's good.  You want that.  The creamy goodness.  You want that everywhere.  You want to dip your fries in it.  You want remnants left on your straw after you've taken a sip to cleanse the pallet for a new delicious bite.  The more the merrier.

Trust me on this.  You won't be sorry.  Pub cheese on a burger.  Delicioso!

The Greater Good

When is it okay to tell someone that they shouldn't be with their significant other?  Ever?  Should one just keep their mouth shut and hope for the best?  Should one make snide comments on the side?  Should one talk shit beyond that person's back loud enough for that person to hear and immediately start a fight about how it's not true even though it will nag and eat at that person for long enough that impact might actually be felt?  It's hard to say.  We won't know.  Until now.

Every now and then you run across a couple people in a relationship who are sure to break up.  There's no way it could/should/will ever last long enough to make a difference in each other's lives.  But every so often you're wrong.  Those people end up sticking it out.  They end up getting engaged, get married, buy a house, get some pets, have some kids, etc. (not necessarily in that order by the way).  There's no chance it will last though.....right?  It has to end......right?  What if it doesn't end?  What if they stay together forever?  What if your friend or relative or casual acquaintance never gets to be happy, at least happy as you know it to be?

You must say/do something.....for the greater good.  The greater good is your only chance to make everything right.  To intercede.  To interrupt.  To make better.  Family members are tricky but you have more wiggle room. Friends....we'll get to them later.  Casual acquaintances.....don't worry about it.....not worth the trouble.  But with family members the line is easy to cross but it's usually okay.  They ARE family after all.  You have to take the risk in telling them that their significant other is putting a strain on the relationships he/she has with the other family members.  You have to.  You have to before it's too late, before you have to sit there and take it and piss and moan about until they finally get divorced or die (death can feel like the only escape after a while).  If the family's functionality would be better if that significant other is out of the picture......do it for the greater good.

Friends.....so much tougher than family.  You're risking a lot.  But you're also risking a lot if you don't say anything.  With family you're forced to be around people from time to time.  But with friends you get to choose.  When someone is with a dud and they cut you out because either your friend's significant other is dominating your friend, or because you've tried to intercede for the greater good, or whatever.....you're screwed.  You better make it count.  You better make it work.  If you don't you lose your friend.  If you do and lose your friend at least you tried and didn't sit back and still fuck it up.  Don't take the chance on keeping the status quo and hoping for the best.

"At least he's happy."  "As long as she's happy then we need to be happy for her."  "Love is blind."  All bullshit.  Complete bullshit.  If I was ever in one of these relationships, and maybe I have been (wink), I'd want the people I cared about to tell me I was messing around with something I shouldn't be.  I'd want an intervention.  And I'd want to hear it from a ton of people.....before it was too late.  Sincerely.  I wouldn't want my relationship to be bad for the greater good.  I don't want to upset the balance of the universe, my universe, my family's universe.  Everything should run smoothly.  A well oiled machine.  That's the greatest good.  Rock the boat, tip it over, but make sure it's still in the harbor.  Don't wait until it's 10 miles out to sea. By then the greater good will be lost and you'll be wishing for the good ole days.